for parents
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Parent FAQs
Mazel tov! Your child is having a bar or bat mitzvah. It's a wonderful, meaningful experience, but it can sometimes get scary or stressful. Here are some frequently asked questions relating to the big day.
Q: What date should we pick for the bar/bat mitzvah? A: Most girls celebrate their bat mitzvah near their 12th birthday, and most boys celebrate their bar mitzvah near their 13th birthday. Talk to your synagogue about the dates available around that time. You might also want to ask your synagogue professional about the length of the Torah and Haftarah portions around that time, as the length varies from week to week. Strong students should be given longer portions and less experienced students would probably do better with a shorter reading. Q: I think my daughter may need extra help. Should we hire a private tutor? A: Your primary tutor is the best person to determine if your teen needs extra help. However, a little extra help and reinforcement can never hurt. If you or your child want the extra help, you might as well get it. If your daughter happens to finish everything she needs early, there is always more to learn. Contact your synagogue for names of potential private tutors. Q: I want my son to learn more than just his Torah portion and Haftarah. What else could he learn? A: There are many services that he can learn. Many students learn Friday Night Ma’ariv, Saturday morning Shacharit or Shabbat Mincha (Saturday afternoon). The Havdalah service, which separates Shabbat from the rest of the week, is a beautiful and symbolic service that many students enjoy as well. Talk to your synagogue about what options are available. Q: The bar mitzvah is over, but I still want my child to participate in services. What should we do? A: Most synagogues will be happy to help your child with a Torah or Haftarah reading or a service to further his participation in services after his bar mitzvah. Additionally, many students read Torah or Haftarah on the anniversary of their bar/bat mitzvah because they already know the reading, and it’s a great way to keep them involved in the synagogue. Q: I would like to read Torah for my daughter’s bat mitzvah, but I haven’t read in many years. Is this a good idea? A: This is a great idea. Re-learning to read Torah makes you a wonderful role model for your daughter, showing that there is never an end to learning. Ask your daughter’s tutor if he or she is willing to teach you as well, or make you an audio file of the reading – most will be more than willing. |
